Psychologist Silvia Severino explains that the inability to move on from an ex-partner is often rooted in how the brain works rather than in romantic longing. During a relationship, people receive regular “doses” of dopamine and oxytocin — hormones linked to pleasure and emotional bonding.
When the relationship ends, this source disappears abruptly. The brain, accustomed to constant stimulation, perceives this loss as a threat to emotional wellbeing. A deficit emerges and can feel painful and intrusive.
Severino compares this period to a chemical crisis: the body needs time to adjust and rebuild its internal reward system. Impulsive urges become especially strong — checking an ex’s social media, inventing a reason to message them, or replaying old conversations in one’s head.
These reactions are normal and reflect an attempt to regain a sense of safety and emotional connection. However, the psychologist emphasizes that it is important to give yourself space to heal rather than act on impulses.
With time, the brain adapts to the new reality and the need for the former partner fades. Accepting the process consciously helps make the transition smoother and safer.